I remember the way I used to feel around food. When I was in middle school, I’d come home after school and sit in front of the TV and mindlessly eat Oreo after Oreo after Oreo, sometimes until the whole package was gone. Then I’d hit up the Ho Ho’s and Ding Dongs. If you asked me why I was doing it, I wouldn’t have known what to tell you. It’s just what I did.
But now, I know that it was because stuffing my face with cookies and watching Saved By the Bell and living through those characters was so much better than my real life. It was because the Oreos and TV made me not have to think about the test I didn’t want to study for, or the boy who said in front of the whole class, “I want to marry Breanne one day because I just love a chubby girl with a face full of pimples” while everyone laughed. It let me live a different life, and escape.
A decade later, nothing had changed. I was still numbing out things I didn’t want to feel with food. Again, it didn’t feel like that at the time. It wasn’t conscious. It just felt like I was HUNGRY ALL THE TIME and couldn’t make “good” food choices. But, now, I know that I ate because I felt behind in organic chemistry and didn’t know how to catch up. I ate because I was taking more classes than a normal human could handle without going insane. I ate because my dad was really, really sick. I ate because I was getting no sleep. I ate because it’s just… what I did to cope with life.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you might know that one day I even ate a whole wedding cake by myself (if I haven’t told you that story yet, comment below and let me know and I’ll give you all the gory deets!). The bingeing led to feeling horrible guilt and shame, and feeling totally out of control with food. This led me to want to CONTROL my food. I was sure that if I could just get it under CONTROL, everything would be fine.
I did Weight Watchers. I read nutrition books. I bought weird ingredients that rotted in the fridge for meal plans I couldn’t stick to. I did a Richard Simmons thing with a little plastic board I was supposed to carry around all day and tick off the food I was eating. I ordered frozen meals that were really expensive and tasted gross. I had a journal I used to write down everything I ate and the calories it contained. I tried it all.
Each night, I either felt like a champion or a loser, worthy or unworthy, all depending on how well I controlled and tracked my food that day. Sometimes I succeeded short-term, but never long-term. And it was exhausting. I never felt good enough.
When I had finally had enough, the day I ate an entire wedding cake, I decided I was going to figure out once and for all, how to have a normal, healthy relationship with food. I will tell you about that journey another time, but it ended with learning how to listen to my body and eat intuitively. I learned how to devour my life instead of just food. It changed everything for me, and I have never looked back.
These days, I live an amazing life, eat when I’m hungry, stop when I’m full, and eat delicious treats anytime I want to, and as much of them as I want to. There is no such thing for me as “good” or “bad” foods. I never feel restricted. I feel free. Light. My body is at her ideal weight and composition. Easily. Effortlessly.
I work through my emotions in ways other than just with food. I comfort myself without relying solely on food. I do adventurous things to feel naughty instead of getting cheap thrills from sneaking chocolates in a dark pantry.
If you want to learn more, comment below and ask me anything you want to. I’m an open book, and my mission in the world is to help as many women as possible to finally feel the way that I do — calm, confident, and free around food.
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Hugs & High Fives to Food Freedom,
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P.P.S. Feeling like you’ve tried solving it alone and it’s just not working? Schedule a discovery call with me and let’s get it figured out. It’s free and all you have to do is show up.
P.P.P.S. If you know someone who would LOVE to finally get to the bottom of their emotional eating, forward them this email and make sure they go to my site and sign up for my email list so they’ll have the insider info, too! xoxo