We are taught that hard work, sacrifice, buckling down, and generally FORCING ourselves is what gets the job done, right?
But let’s dig into that a bit more deeply.
Is hard work required in life? Yes. Do we sometimes have to sacrifice and buckle down? Of course.
BUT… with food and exercise, that has somehow translated into this idea that we need to be MEAN to ourselves in order to be the best version of ourselves.
I mean, think about it…
Do you ever say things like this to yourself?
I’m so lazy!
Why can’t I just have more willpower?
Why can’t I ever follow through?
Why do I always fail?
In your mind, you might think that if at some point, you just feel bad enough or ashamed enough or you hit “rock bottom” with how you feel about yourself, that things will change.You’ll finally have the motivation you need to change.
But shame talk and mean talk and self-bullying do NOT lead to positive change. (If that worked long-term, don’t you think it would have worked already?)
So… what DOES work? Click the video and I’ll tell ya!
Embracing all the goodness in yourself, fully.
What if eating too much sometimes is ok?
If you’re doing it so much that it’s driving you crazy, download my emotional eating emergency manual – but also know that the desire to emotionally eat and overeat is OK. And humans do that sometimes and it’s ok!
What if the pace you naturally do things at is ok?
What if all the things you like, even the ones you’re ashamed of, are ok?
What if the amount of time you need to take breaks is necessary and ok?
What if wanting to run off to an island and sell coconuts sometimes is ok?
What if not being able to stick to a diet is ok? (It’s actually a GOOD THING, I promise.)
What if your body, exactly as it is right now, is exactly how it’s supposed to be?
When you see the inherent beauty in your own perceived imperfections, you are loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved.
And when you love something, you give it grace and forgiveness. You see all the adorable quirks as totally loveable. And when you love something, you want to take immaculate care of it.
So, to take better care of yourself, what I want you to do is go EASIER on yourself, not harder.
Be patient with yourself, be forgiving with yourself, and hold all of your desires like the most precious treasures in the world.
THAT is what leads to the change you’re seeking.
In the comments, I’d love to hear about one perceived “imperfection” about yourself that you see with love.
I want to pop in down in the comments and cheer you on in fully accepting yourself, exactly as you are now.
Raise your hand if the last diet you tried worked so well that you’re still on it and never again had issues with food.🖐
No one? Yeah. I didn’t think so.
Diets have an abysmal 97% failure rate.
Can you imagine going to the doctor and hearing, “Here’s a prescription. It has a 97% failure rate, but maybe you’ll be one of the 3% of people it works for!”
No doctor would EVER prescribe something with a 97% FAILURE RATE!!!
So let’s get into why diets don’t work, and what to do instead.
First, let’s define what a diet is. A diet is any method of food restriction for the purpose of losing weight.
ANYTHING that promotes food restriction is a diet. Cleanses, detoxes, calorie counting, point counting, and “lifestyle changes” where you restrict your food… are all DIETS.
And the fact that you have “failed” at dieting is NOT YOUR FAULT. Why?
❌ Anything with a 97% failure rate is just a bad system. You are not expected, as a human being, to excel at things that have a 97% failure rate. That’s ridiculous.
❌ Diets feel like punishment, and no one wants long-term punishment. Diets feel like food jail, and no one wakes up in the morning excited to go to jail.
❌ Diets feel like restriction, and restriction leads to REBELLING. Think about it… When you were a kid and your mom said, “Whatever you do, DON’T LOOK IN THE TOP DRAWER.” What’s the first thing you’re gonna do? That’s right. Look in the top drawer. When something is restricted, we are wired to REBEL.
❌ Succeeding means the haters win, and you can’t let the haters win.
If you’ve been told by people who love you that you need to eat less and lose weight, then what you HEAR is, “You don’t belong until you eat less. You are not loved unless you eat less. You aren’t worthy unless you eat less.”
So sticking to a diet feels like letting the haters win. Why? Because you know deep inside that you are deserving of love, belonging exactly as you are right now.
You don’t have to change a single thing about your body to be worthy. So quitting a diet is your most inner wise self protecting you from changing yourself to fit other people’s expectations. You probably refer to it as self-sabotage, but it’s actually self-protection.
❌ Restriction ignores the root cause of overeating. You are not expected to succeed at something that treats symptoms without getting to the root cause.
Big life changes, like a loss, a breakup, a divorce, extra work stress, family stress can all cause overeating.
Why? Because we use food as a life raft to survive these things. And that’s a good thing.
You’ve been treading water in the middle of the ocean and you’ve used food as a life raft. What a beautiful coping mechanism you’ve developed to keep yourself afloat.
If someone took your life raft away, you’d feel like you were drowning. And diets try to take your life raft away without replacing it with anything else. That’s just rude.
So what’s the answer?
Trying to force our bodies into a shape or weight not meant for us is pointless, and frustrating.
If I am eating beautifully nourishing foods when I’m hungry, stopping when I’m full, getting plenty of sleep, enjoying moving my body each day, holding strong to my boundaries, fostering connectedness with my loved ones, and just generally taking amazing care of myself, then whatever my body looks like as a result of that IS MY IDEAL BODY.
And I invite you to create a similar definition for your own body.
It’s way more fun (and works so much better than) trying to look like yourself from 15 years ago, a model on a runway, a hungry celebrity, or your sister who won the genetic lottery.
Instead of ripping away your life raft by restricting your food, find something better to keep you afloat so you don’t need that old life raft.
Figure out what your void is, and fill it up with things that feel so much better than food. Doing it this way means that instead of having to use willpower, you just stop wanting to overeat and emotionally eat.
Be so, so gentle with yourself. Instead of judging your food choices, try just getting curious. “Hmmm… I wonder why I needed that? What feeling am I craving” feels and works so much better than “OMG WHY DID I DO THAT WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!?!?”
Ask your body what she’s craving (A bubble bath? A nap? A massage? Saying nevermind to that party you committed to?) and give that to yourself.
We tend to see weight loss as this holy grail…
When I lose weight, I’ll buy myself such cute clothes!
When I lose weight, I’ll feel sexy and love dating!
When I lose weight, I’ll be so confident!
But the truth is, if you lose weight and are still treating yourself like crap, you’re not going to feel any better at all.
So let’s start with treating yourself better RIGHT NOW. Let’s make THAT the focus, instead of the thing with a 97% failure rate.
COMMENT BELOW and tell me one small action you will do TODAY to show yourself more self LOVE. ❤️
These are those passive aggressive or even just plain aggressive comments about your body or about what you’re eating from the people in your life.
When that happens…
Take up for yourself, and ask others to take up for you as well. You do not deserve to be shamed by anyone about your body or food choices, EVER. It is never ok.
Remember that you are grown adult and you are allowed to eat whatever you want, whenever you want to. The choices you make about your own body are NO ONE’S business.
Know that there is NOTHING WRONG with the amount of space your body takes up in the world. You are a perfectly imperfect being, exactly as you are, and if someone doesn’t like something about your body, that’s their issue. Not yours.
Express that you’d prefer they not talk about your body or food choices, and make it clear that this is a hard boundary for you. If someone loves you, they will respect your boundaries and wishes. YOU decide how others show you love. If a comment doesn’t FEEL like love to you, then it isn’t; even if they’re telling you it is.
Shout from the mountaintops (I’ll be right there with you!) that you can’t tell how healthy someone is by their body size. One more time for the cheap seats…You 👏🏼can’t 👏🏼tell 👏🏼how 👏🏼healthy 👏🏼someone 👏🏼is 👏🏼just 👏🏼by 👏🏼their 👏🏼body 👏🏼size.
If someone is concern-trolling about how worried they are about your “health”, just remember that your body and you health are no one’s business. Is it ok to tell someone that you’re very close to that you’re concerned about their well-being? Sure. But there are gentle ways to do that, and there’s a time and a place. There’s a very different energy when someone who truly cares about you asks how you’re doing, versus when someone is criticizing you.Your intuition knows the difference. If it feels icky, it is.
Ask yourself… Am I perhaps just internalizing the expectations of others? Of my family? Of society?
If it’s just you and yourself, then there may be disharmony between who you are inside, and the person you’re being day to day.
If that’s the case, there is no need to feel shame. It’s perfectly normal, it’s ok, and you haven’t done anything wrong! Getting a bit out of alignment is normal. Be gentle with yourself.
Focus on who you are at your core,and think about what it would look like for your day-to-day behavior to align better with who you know you are at your core.
HOLD THAT VISION of you you are at your deepest center. At your core. Smile about it. Daydream about it. Get excited about it. Use that vision as your daily meditation & visualization.
Following these steps will pull you out of a shame spiral,and into a place where you can create positive change if you’re craving it.
If part of your shame spirals involve uncontrollable emotional eating or overeating, then make sure you’ve downloaded my emergency manual!
Now, let’s put the focus back on the positive. Comment below and tell me ONE AMAZING QUALITY of who you are at your CORE, and ONE THING YOU’RE GOING TO DO today to be in alignment with you truly are. 🌟
Huge and High Fives to Hushing the Haters,
P.S. Every wonder WHY you overeat and emotionally eat? Like… what’s at the root of it? Take my quiz and find out! <<< TAKE THE QUIZ! >>>
Do you ever feel like you LOVE food… a little too much?
It feels like a super intense love, right?
I felt it. I’d be sitting at a restaurant, or at home on the couch, and I just. couldn’t. stop. Even when I KNEW I was full and my body didn’t want more. And the rest of the time, 90% of my brain space was obsessed with thinking about… food. 🧠
Like when you’re newly in love and can’t stop thinking about the other person or when you have to pee really bad and can’t think about anything else until you pee. Like, in that moment you can think about NOTHING else but peeing.
I was like that, except with baked goods.
Using the being in love example and the pee example in the same sentence was a bit weird. But hopefully you get what I’m saying.
My point is that it definitely felt like I just loved it too much. And all I wanted was to be one of those normal eaters. The kind of woman who thought of food casually around meal time but not ALL the time. The kind of woman who could eat and then just… stop.
But I was not that woman.
Ever feel that way? Like you are just so in love with food that you can’t stop yourself?
It may feel like love, but in today’s video I explain what’s REALLY going on (hint: it’s not actually love)… so that you can calm that feeling the eff down and get some peace.
Here’s what I invite you to think about…
When you’re scarfing down goldfish in the pantry does that feel like love? Or does it feel like numbing out?
When you look down and you’ve eaten the whole box of cookies, did you love that experience? That experience that you don’t even remember?
When Netflix asks you if you’re still watching and you look down and an entire bag of potato chips (or ‘crisps’ in the UK 🇬🇧) has been demolished, did that feel like a loving experience?
Is it loving to feel like something has control over you and makes you do things you don’t want to do? Is that love?
When we love things,we honor them. We cherish them. We give them our full attention.
And none of that is happening in any of those examples. You’re not honoring the food. You’re not cherishing it. And you’re definitely not giving it your full attention.
You’re not loving it. You’re USING it. And using something is not love.
So it’s not about loving the food. It’s about food being a really good ESCAPE. ✈️
Food is great at helping you to stop feeling things you don’t want to feel, and start feeling things you DO want to feel.
Food is great for numbing out. Food can make you feel calm, connected, and like everything is ok. Food can feel like excitement, adventure, joy.
So, next time you’re feeling out-of-control because you just LOVE food… ask yourself what you’re eating to escape from. And what you’re eating to feel.
When you start getting those positive feelings (joy, connected, calm, free) from fully devouring your LIFE, you no longer crave food to numb out or to feel.
You’re devouring your LIFE to feel the way you want to feel, instead of just food.
So, if you don’t love food as much as you thought… what is something that you do ACTUALLY love? Comment below and tell me about something you truly LOVE. Something you honor, cherish, and give your full attention to. ❤️
P.S. Have you taken the Eater Type Quiz yet? DO IT! I’ll tell you which of the 4 types you are, and what your specific type should do to calm the food crazies.
I remember the days before #bodygoals was even a thing. Actually… before hashtags were even a thing (y’all remember when we called it a pound sign? 😂).
I used to cut pictures of celebrities out of magazines and put them on my fridge for inspiration. My fave picks were Cameron Diaz, whose body shape is the polar opposite of mine to the point that I couldn’t even achieve it if I had a zillion dollars worth of surgery, Mariah Carey, and Beyoncé.
I thought that if I saw their pictures everyday when I woke up for breakfast, I’d be “inspired” to eat less and exercise more. Spoiler: It did not work.
Well, it would work for a few days, but then I’d get hangry and take it out on poor Cammy D in her black bikini, ripping her pic off the fridge and tossing it into the recycling bin.
What I didn’t know then is that…
Wishing for someone else’s body is not helpful. Wishing for your body from 15 years ago is not helpful. Wishing to squeeze yourself into a smaller shape to fit society’s ridiculous beauty standards is NOT HELPFUL.
Why? Because it implies feeling ashamed of the body you’re currently in.
The body that allows you to do your work in the world.
The body that walks you through life’s adventures.
The body that carries you to the hospital with flowers when a friend is in need.
The body that is comprised of trillions of miraculous cells that work 24 hours per day to keep you alive, keep you well, and just love the heck outta you. YOU. As you are RIGHT NOW.
We’ve all experienced body shame.
The (sometimes) well-meaning family members that update you on changes in your body size as though you don’t know.
The constant barrage of ads on how to “snatch” your waist. (Lord, help me if corsets haven’t come back in the form of “waist trainers”. Dramatic sigh.)
The magazines that focus less on the miraculous fact that a woman JUST MADE AND BIRTHED A HUMAN BEING and more on the way her body looks and whether it has “bounced back”.
Body shame never helps. It always hurts.
Brene Brown has done extensive and eye-opening work around shame, and none of her research shows that it’s helpful. EVER. It’s only harmful. It’s only damaging.
When you feel ashamed of your body, the natural response is to restrict food, right? Cut calories, go on a “cleanse”, eat less, etc.
And we all know what happens when we try to restrict our food. It works for a bit, and then you get hungry and say “screw it!” and go bananas with all the foods you had previously been restricting.
Then you feel ashamed. And so the whole cycle starts over again.Shame just does not work.
So what does? I made avideo all about it just for you!
What works is making how you FEEL in your body, your #bodygoals. Focus on feeling strong, rested, cared-for, agile, energetic, capable, and filled with awe and joy at everything your body gives you.
LOVE UP on that amazing body of yours. Not because of how she LOOKS, but because of what she DOES.
This is important because we tend to take care of the things we love. Think about it…
The brand new dream car you saved for? You take care of it.
Your grandmother’s wedding china? You take care of it.
Your precious new baby? You cake care of him/her.
The stuff you DON’T love, you kinda treat like trash.
So loving your body, as she is RIGHT NOW, makes you want to take care of her.
And how do you do that?
✔️ You put your hand on your heart,take a deep breath, and thank your body for all the miracles she’s performed in your life. (I mean the biology behind even just walking is crazy complicated… and miraculous.)
If you’ve followed me for a while, you know that I am totally AGAINST turning my food into math. Calorie-counting, point-counting, macro-counting, portion-weighing, and food tracking are not things I want in my life in any capacity. Gross.
Are you an emotional eater? An overeater? An emotional overeater? A bored eater? A stress eater? Someone who isn’t any of those things but just LOVES food a little too much?
What’s the difference? And which are you? 🤔
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. They’re all the same thing.
Let me explain…
Let’s start with physical hunger. Physical hunger is when your body is physically hungry. It feels like a grumbling belly. It feels weak and low-energy. It feels like your stomach is going to eat itself if it doesn’t get food in it soon.Physical hunger is a signal that your body is requiring more food to keep you alive and function properly.
Any other feeling of “hunger” that is not physical hunger coming from an empty belly is emotional hunger.
Emotional hunger is that feeling when…
→ You’re full but still craving more food.
→ You’re mindlessly snacking without even paying attention to how full you are because you don’t want to stop.
→ You want a 3rd or 4th helping even when you know you’ve eaten enough to be physically satisfied.
→ Your stomach is full but your mouth is craving more food.
“I KNOW I should be eating healthy and exercising, but I just can’t follow through!”
When you’re not following through on something that, deep down, you REALLY want for yourself, it’s because it’s either too hard, too painful, or too scary. It’s that simple.
When things are easy, joyful, and safe, you follow through.
Think about it…
Binge watching New Girl on Netflix is easy, joyful, and safe. You follow through.
Scrolling through Instagram for funny cat videos is easy, joyful, and safe. You follow through.
Brushing your teeth every morning isn’t necessarily joyful, but it’s easy and safe. You follow through.
Knitting a blanket for a friend’s new baby isn’t necessarily easy, but it’s joyful and safe. You follow through.
So, the key to following through on eating well and exercising are to make them easy, joyful, and safe.
Here’s how to do it…
1. MAKE IT EASY
Think about the effort you’ve put into making Netflix easy. (Or Hulu. Or Starz.) You’ve gotta pay for it. You’ve got to do that weird thing when you set it up where you turn on your tv and hit a button on the remote a million times to type in your password. Or, you have to do that weird “activate” thing online. You’ve gotta go on social media to ask what show to watch next.
Netflix could be hard. But you made it easy.
You put in a lot of initial work so that now, you can come home from work, plop on the couch with your favorite snack, and be bingeing on a show you know you’ll like in less than a minute. It’s easy, BUT YOU MADE IT THAT WAY.
So, put that same initial effort into making eating well and exercising (which I prefer to call “movement” because doesn’t that just feel better?) easy.
Ways to create ease…
Put food and movement in your calendar, with reminders, so they actually happen. 📆
Put your sneakers and athletic wear by your bed or in your work bag.👟
Stop thinking you need to cook a gourmet meal if you don’t like cooking. You don’t need to cook Barbecue Chinese Chicken Lettuce Wraps for dinner. I got tired just typing that. Keep it simple. 🥑
Search Pinterest for meals you can make in 15 minutes in only one pan. 🍳
Movement doesn’t have to mean you go to the gym and do 30 minutes on the treadmill and then 30 minutes of weights. Movement can be as simple as going on a 15-minute walk with your partner to talk about your days.🚶♀️
2. MAKE IT JOYFUL
We avoid pretty much anything that is not joyful. So if eating well and doing daily movement is not joyful for you, you’re not going to do it.
Yes, there are people who love to “go hard” at the gym and then post about how they “hate it but love the results.” Good for them. But I personally am not gonna doing things I hate, no matter what the results are.
So you have to make it joyful.
Most days, part of my morning ritual is movement. Usually this looks like 5 minutes of joyful, easy yoga by myself on my living room rug.
I don’t get out my yoga mat, because it’s easier not to. (Remember… make it easy!)
I turn on my favorite playlist (Yoga Feels on Spotify), set a timer on my phone, and then move in ways that feel good until my body feels awake and limber.
There are no poses I “have” to do. There are no rules other than it has to feel joyful.
The purpose of this isn’t because I’m “supposed to”. The purpose is to feel joy in my body.
Some weeks I feel all fired up and decide to add in an afternoon dance class or a gym class or a bike ride… because I know they will feel joyful. The next week, I might go back to just my 5 minutes of morning yoga. It’s whatever feels most JOYFUL.
With food, it’s the same thing. What will make it feel joyful?
Ways to create joy…
Make cooking dinner a fun evening ritual. Light a candle. Put on some Beyonce. Have a glass of wine. Dance around. 💃🏽
Have your morning breakfast and beverage out on your patio or balcony. Take in the sights, smells and sounds of the morning. Feel the sun and breeze on your skin. ☕️
Practice gratitude and take a few deep breaths before you eat. 🧘♀️
Stay AWAY from work, stress, or screens while you eat. 🚫
Eat with your family or a friend and calmly talk about your days. 👭
Call a friend and chat on speaker phone (no staring at the screen!) while you’re both having dinner. 📞
Take a walk with your partner or a friend as the sun sets and enjoy conversation. ☀️
Jams. Always some sweet jams.🎵
Think about how good you feel in your body as you’re joyfully moving. 😃
3. MAKE IT SAFE
I don’t mean like “don’t climb a really high rock wall” kind of safe. I mean emotionally safe.
You will eat well and do movement if the reason is because it feels good in your body.
If it’s expected of you, either by your partner or the media or that mean girl voice in your head, you will not do it. You will rebel against it.
I mean you may do it once or twice, but you’ll quit. And that’s your most inner wise selfkeeping you safe from a life of trying to change to please other people.
So, to follow through, it’s got to be something that is YOUR choice to do because it FEELS GOOD. And because you love your amazing body and she deserves to feel strong, capable, excited, and gently stretched.
Ways to make it safe…
When doing movement, replace repetitive should thoughts like, “I’m exercising like I’m SUPPOSED to. I’m being SO GOOD! I’m going to do it HARD and LONG to burn off all those calories I ate because I have NO WILLPOWER”
“I love how it feels for my heart to pump faster. I love how strong my legs feel right now. I love how agile and graceful this dance move make me feel right now.”
Remind yourself that any movement that feels good is enough. A 2-minute walk to the end of the street and back with your dog is enough. Dancing for 3 minutes to your favorite song is enough. Can you do more than that if you want to? Sure. But I’d rather you move joyfully for 5 minutes each day than sit on the couch and think about all the “real” workouts you “should” be doing. 💯
If you grew up being told you needed to exercise to lose weight, then specifically move in ways that those people wouldn’t approve of and do it while (literally, seriously) giving the middle finger to anyone who ever told you that.🖕
If you haven’t done much movement at all recently, ease into it. Trying to hop up after a year of no movement and immediately spend an hour in a zumba class will make you never want to get off the couch ever again. 🚫
Stop counting calories, macros, points, and all of that other exhausting bizness. Eat in a way that feels nourishing and good in your body. Period.
Eat any food you want that feels good in your body. Don’t restrict a food because someone a long time ago told you it was “bad”.🙄
Notice the difference between physical hunger (belly grumbling) and emotional hunger (physically full but for some reason still hungry). Feed your physical hunger with food. Feed your emotional hunger with things other than just food. Things like connection, relaxation, sleep, and fun. 😴
That’s it, loves. Make food and movement feel easy, joyful, and safe… and you’ll follow through. Focus on THOSE, instead of willpower and force and shoulds. 🙅♀️
Let me know in the comments one way that you’re going to make food and movement more easy, joyful, or safe so I can cheer you on!
I’m writing to you from beautiful Bondi Beach in Sydney, Australia. This trip has been a dream of mine for 15 years, and I am loving every second of it!
On the plane ride here, I sat next to a really nice Irish guy who was afraid of flying. He was especially anxious during take-off and landing, so I tried to chat him up to keep his mind off of the fear.
I, on the other hand, am cool as a cucumber when I fly. Once I’m on the plane, I’m totally fine, but the weeks before a trip I am a ball of anxiety.
There’s something about getting ready for a trip that is just stressful for me. I have to plan my itinerary, book all of my transportation and places to stay, pack my suitcase, and make sure everything in my business and life is going to be taken care of while I’m gone.
And I can’t even imagine what it would be like also having to factor in a partner and kids. It’s just me and I still feel like I’m gonna have a meltdown getting ready for travel.
Like many of you who have taken my quiz, I am a stress and anxiety eater. So, if I don’t manage my stress, my natural tendency is to cope by eating everything in sight.
Enter, my killer anti-anxiety practice that puts me back into a zen state no matter how anxious I am. I do it every single day, but I upped it to 3 times per day in the weeks before my trip. It absolutely saved me.
I highly recommend you try it, and to make it fun and SUPER easy, my team made a super cool infographic that I am just drooling over. I saw it and lost. my. mind. If you’re like me and like visuals when you’re learning something new, you’re going to love it.
I mean look at this!
Want one of your very own? Just click the image to download your copy! As soon as I get home I’m printing one and putting it up in my office. I just love it that much.
In news of other free stuff for you, I was interviewed by sisters Donna and Gwendolyn for their Eat With Intention series. We talked about my own struggles with food, and why eating with intention is so important for feeling like, with food, you’re the one controlling the show. You can see it right here.
And last, I’ve had quite a few of you emailing me asking when I’m doing free calls again. I’m taking a break while in Australia, but I did go in and open up a few slots for when I’m home. So, if you’ve been thinking of hopping on a call with me, grab your spot while they’re open and let’s do it!
On our call, I’ll ask you some questions about your history with food, and learn more about your unique food story. Then, I’ll help you get down to the root cause of why you feel the pull to overeat, emotionally eat, or binge eat.
And you’ll leave with the perfect next step to get you on the right track. It’s easy, incredibly helpful, and free.😄
Hugs and high-fives to holding koalas,
P.S. I really did hold a koala and it was the best day of my life. It did get a little fresh with me. 😂