We’re taught to think that being harder on ourselves is what creates change.
Other people might shame your food choices or your body or your energy level.
You might shame your OWN food choices, your own body, or your own energy level.
It looks like:
🗣️ “Eew. I cannot believe you just ate 3 donuts🍩🍩🍩 when you just had dinner.”
🗣️ “Wow. You sure can’t fit into any of your favorite old clothes 👗 now can you?”
🗣️ “You have zero reasons to be lazy right now. You have so much to get done📝 , and here you are mindlessly scrolling through social media📱.”
Old school thought taught us that this is the way to create change. The problem is that the research tells us a different story. And, our experience has taught us a different story. Because if being hard on yourself worked, we’d all be in very different places right now.
What works is self-compassion. It’s changing what other people are allowed to say to you, and what you’re allowed to say to yourself.
It looks like changing that consistent voice in your head that constantly tells you that you’re not enough, you’re not doing enough, you’re not strong enough, you’re not disciplined enough, you’re not balanced enough, you’re not focused enough.
And consciously making it start to say completely different things.
Things that are true, and that WORK as far as getting you to where you want to go.
This looks like:
💬 “Wow. I just ate 3 donuts 🍩 🍩 🍩 even though I was pretty full after dinner. I must have really needed those for some reason. I’m curious about what’s going on there🤔 , and what it truly is that I need.”
💬 “I had some great times in my old clothes, but I’m not living in the past. I’m going to create new memories that are even better than the old ones, and I’m going to do it in clothes that feel comfortable and fabulous💎💎 .”
💬 “Gosh, I feel so tired today🥱 even though I slept fine last night. I wonder what’s going on there? Maybe I’m low on nutrients. Let me tap into my body and see what she’s craving.”
When you do this, you actually get to the source of what the problem is, if there is a problem. You figure out what it is that you need, and WHY it is that you’re behaving in a way that seems self-sabotaging.
Self-sabotage is almost always a method of self-protection.
Being compassionate with yourself lets you see what it is that you actually need, or what it is that you’re actually protecting yourself from. Once your needs are heard and fulfilled, you don’t crave mindless eating anymore.
So, instead of trying to be meaner to yourself or trying to “get it together” or telling yourself untrue things like that you are lazy or undisciplined or devoid of willpower, today I want you to focus on ONLY being kind to yourself. Instead of judgment, get curious with a kind-hearted tone. And see what it is that is REALLY going on.
Tell me in the comments below, what’s something you’ve been really judgey about with yourself lately, and what’s a way you can look at it in a new, much kinder and self-compassionate light?